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A Dimbulb Can Light Up a Room Too:
Chess and the Coffee Shop Chess Masters
(11.15.06)
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I wish I was at least an average chess player. Not even great, good, or even a superior one
just average. I was working off site once again and trying to decide what to write. In the thought process, I began watching two men play chess for an hour.
The sounds of their matches were simply soft breathing and the clicking of the speed clock used to insure the match didnt take more than 20 minutes. Each glided their arm across the board lifting and sliding with a click. There were no facial expressions when a horse was eaten. No hand jesters or body gyrations when the bishop was taken. No moon walk, icky shuffle, Irish tap dancing, crunches, or sharpie pulling when the king was killed. Just a simple civil hand shake and a walk around the coffee shop for the loser.
The gears started to turn
the light bulb started to get brighter
I can beat them. They are novices to competition. They dont understand the mental approach of winning and being a winner. They have no idea how to get into their opponents head. They dont understand how simple conversation can change the mental approach of a game. How simply asking questions can provide for a small slip up that could be taken advantage of. They dont understand the strength of an eye stare or wink.
I knew how to play chess and I am currently undefeated in Stratego (this is not an official record as of yet but I am something like 311-0 not counting Canadian or Seventh Day Adventist opponents). I am not one to shy away from simple conversation
especially if it gives me an opportunity to win.
So I pulled a chair beside them and watched. I watched like the freshman in high school trying to get into the adult basketball game at the local playground. Not having been there at the start or having my own ball (chess board), I had to wait them out. I had to let them see me being interested. I had to make them think I was a novice and simply wanted to learn from their greatness. With each move, I gave a raised eyebrow like they just performed a stroke of genius. I would nod my head pretending to mentally jot down their skilled play. And soon a king was down
a walk began
one man leaves and another man enters.
Chess Master: Do you know how play?
Me: A little bit
but not very good.
Chess Master: Do you want play?
Me: Ill give it a try.
My opponent was easily over 50. He wore a brown sweater with an argyle centered design, eye glasses hanging on his neck, de-shoveled silver hair, years of attempting to master coffee shop chess engraved in his faces, pack of cigarettes tucked beneath the sweater on his left chest, and an accent that didnt understand the use of the word to.
Would the foreigner get up and walk toward the right after his loss? Or would he walk left? Would he shake my hand? Or maybe try to crush my hand after I defeat him? Would he bow down and call me king? Would he apologize for not respecting the greatness? Would he tell his wife and kids? Would he fall for the first time I gave him the arm fake I am pushing the clock
no-no not just yet maneuver? How would he react when I start conversation? When I ask; is it your move or mine? Is that the horse you are going to move or the bishop? What would he do when I did a push up for every soldier eaten and 5 push-ups for the bishop, castle, and horse? What would I do when I get the Queen
the cabbage patch, shopping cart, lawn mower? Would he still respect me in the morning?
My white soldier that stands in front of queen moved forward
click
the match begins and I recline back hands on head
The match ends!
Not really sure what happened. I cant even remember my own moves
soldier, horse, bishop, soldier, castle-king switch-a-roo
35 seconds later
I walked outside to catch my breath
35 seconds
I was spent
I was beat
I only used 35 seconds! No winks
no questions asked
no pump fakes
no names
. I felt used.
I left through the back door caught my breath and entering through the front realized he blitz krieged me
not seeing the dessert fox and his armada of tanks he swarmed me quickly and efficiently. I took my seat waiting for another chance.
King down
a walk begins
one man leaves and I enter
again.
Setting up armies
I would no longer view my horse, soldier, bishop, queen, or castle as a military group but rather as a militia. I would employ guerrilla war fare
sneak attacks
conversations
hide in the jungles and make him come to me
pump fakes
smiles
winks
he was not going to roll the tanks over me.
Chess master: You go first.
Me: Not saying anything I got up to stretch my back
bending with no eye contact being made and inhaling deeply, smelling what was about to be cooked.
Soldier in front of queen two positions forward
sigh
preview the field
push the clock - click. (dont even need to know what he does) hand to soldier, hand off soldier, hand to other soldier, hand off second soldier, scratch of head, brush nose, Horse making L movement while looking away and hitting clock (again not really sure because I know I have this won
Oh Yeah)
what is this?
the brown sweaters walk in
five of them
smelling of smoke and speaking in foreign tongues
he called in more troops
he knows he cant take me on man to man
they pull chairs around us and sit
Victory and the Germans
Rocky IV and the Russians
Veloso and the Coffee Shop Chess Masters
I was surrounded
soldier move one space forward
click
(click)
bishop out ... click
(click)
the balding one hasnt blinked
click(click)
what are they saying?
. They must be coaching him
click
(click)
click
(click)
click
(click)
cant lose focus
stay on target
hand to queen
hand to head
hand to nose
hand to right ear
sigh
hand to left chest
hand to queen
slide
click(click)
click(click)
king-castle switch-a-roo
fake click
click(click)
click(click)
click(click)
king down
king down
king down
Me: You want some coffee?
Chess master: A small down-towner.
One minute and twenty-two seconds after my first soldier moved I was buying the enemy coffee
I was taking my walk again. No cabbage patch, shopping cart, or lawn mower
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