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A Dimbulb Can Light Up a Room Too:
Questions for a Dimbulb
11.22.06
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Thank you for submitting questions for this week’s issue of a Dimbulb Can Light Up a Room Too. If the Dimbulb did not respond to a question you submitted please resend it because the Dimbulb intends to answer all questions to the best of the bulbs ability. So here we go:
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Jeff B : Can you think of a bigger loser than Kevin Federline?
- Dimbulb: I actually don’t think of K-Fed as a loser but possibly a genius. Think about his situation pre Britany Spears: Born in Fresno County, MALE back up dancer for Christina Milan, Justin Timberlake, NSYNC, LFO, and Britany Spears, and boyfriend and father of 2 with B almost C list actress Shar Jackson of Good Burger, Love and Basketball, and the TV show Moesha. And she is not even Moesha on the show. In all intensive purposes K-Fed or Fed-Fex, as known to some in his posse, is as close to falling off the face of the entertainment world as you can get with out being the male actor who starred with Shannon Tweed in the Surrogate, Night Eyes 2, and 3. If you are a male between the ages of 27 and 35 you know exactly what movies I am talking about … the late night Cinemax erotic thrillers that you either watched in between the snow and the shuffle of your parent’s cable black box while it was trying to get a feed or while you had the remote set to A&E’s Animal Planet under previously viewed channel just in case someone walked in.
- During and Post-Britany Spears: Moved from back up to lead dancer status … but still a MALE dancer, Rapper/Musician of such works as “Lose Control” and the album “Playing with Fire”, currently a model for Blue Marlin Clothing Company, appeared in the movie “You Got Served” with Omarion and just in case you wanted to know K-Fed also plays a back up dancer in the movie., made a sex video with Britany, and will be appearing on WWE RAW when he takes on the champion John Cena on December 31st. K-Fed has morphed himself into the male version of a Gold Digger … one of the better jobs. You get paid for working out and exploring your personal interests.
- Not only is he a genius, but he is ruthless! After being told via text message his wife was filing for a divorce, he is now attempting to sell the K-Fed-Spears sex video to the highest bidder … 50 million! What you have is the American dream, a tragic hero of sorts not a loser. Simply put the K-Fed story goes: Man struggles through life’s turmoil, finds a woman, the woman screws him (now no matter what you think of K-Fed, how does anyone end a relationship through a text message!), he is quickly spiraling down, realizes he is a better man, finds it within himself to not view the spiral as a negative but as a positive, realizes he made a sex tape, and becomes rich. Genius!
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Becky F: Is George’s Dad going to die?
- Dimbulb: Yes … someone has too … this Thursday’s show is being billed as a can’t miss Thanksgiving Special … now if Cristina just keeps her secret about Preston not being able to perform, and Meredith and Derek just continue taking bubble baths together (hopefully they are taking advantage of homemade or unique scented soaps … just a thought … offsite and the mind is wandering), Alex realizes he still has feelings for Izzie, BUT timing sucks so they can’t do anything, and Mc Steamy goes for a second round of “friendship making” because there has not been an introduction of a new female character … that wouldn’t be too special.
- So George’s dad unfortunally dies because Preston accidentally slices his heart open, and Cristina now feels guilty because if she had been honest and told the truth than Preston would have never attempted to slice the heart and thus have George’s dad go through trauma and eventually die … all the while Meredith and Derek are taking long bubble baths with misty rain, berry vanilla, or lavender smelled soaps.
- A twist to the Grey’s Anatomy plot … Mc Steamy falls for a man who changed himself to a woman and does not know it till he has to perform routine penis implantation on the “woman” he now loves.
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| George |
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| Really Nothing Else to Say |
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Jeff B: What is OJ thinking?
- Dimbulb: Apparently that is the problem. OJ is the polar opposite /antithesis of K-Fed. While Fed-Ex is trying to rebuild his shattered confidence and climb out of the depression of a break up via text message by exploiting a naked Britany Spears (… Mental side note: do you think the sex scenes take place while they are driving to a vacation destination, on a power boat, or possibly a room in their mansion … because I am thinking the Federline-Spears tapes were filmed on the top bunk after a dinner of mac and cheese with diced hotdogs and boxed wine in a trailer in Kentwood, Louisiana …) OJ is simply trying to get his name in the paper. So I, like Fox and other notable book stores, will not write anymore about this poor, disturbed, emotionally lacking, and inhuman appearance of a man.
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Becky F: Do you think Thanksgiving is becoming obsolete because of the over commercialization of Christmas and Halloween?
- Dimbulb: Wow … I didn’t think I would have to analyze a question while I was offsite. I don’t see Thanksgiving moving towards being obsolete as long as we understand what this special day really is about: 1) an opportunity to say thank you (which we should all attempt to do 3 times a day), 2) eat large helpings of comfort food, 3) catch up with family members and those people who you were always told as a kid were your aunt or uncle but you couldn’t quite understand why they had an afro, spoke Chinese, or were white … and you, your brothers, mom, dad, grandma, aunt (mom’s sister), and other traceable relatives did not have afros, couldn’t speak Chinese, or weren’t white, 4) football, 5) a reason to have a parade with lots of floats and enormous cartoon balloons, and 6) Sales, Malls, Sales, and Shopping. I don’t think we have even broken the ice.
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Brian F: When is it ok to wear a “Bill Cosby” sweater?
- Dimbulb: If you are blind, your 3 to 8 year old son or daughter gave it to you as a present, if you are attending an 80’s Halloween party, if the only other piece of clothing is an I heart NY, I Left My Heart in SF, or Don’t Worry Be Happy t-shirt and it is -10 degrees with a wind chill factor of -15 degrees outside, if you are trying to impress Mrs. Huxtable, if you lost a bet and wore a large sign that covered your front and back that read “I lost a bet in which I had to wear this hideous sweater and to save myself from ugly sweater embarrassment I have decided to put this sign over the ugliness.”, and finally if you are Bill Cosby.
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| http://cosbytheory.com/theory2.html |
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| Oh Yeah |
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Jeff B: Have you ever made a sex tape? If so, why did you? If no would you ever make one?
- Dimbulb: I have never made a sex tape and did not even think about making one till now. But after some major thought … and being offsite I have had plenty of time to think this one through … I would be more than willing and eager to make a Veloso Sex Tape under these circumstances and reasons:
1) Not in Van Nuys, Ca or any other porn making capital.
2) Would be filmed as a natural expression of my artistic views and not as a porn flick where there is continuous director input and stoppage in the beautiful act. Simply because I am not sure if I could perform under those circumstances.
3) Lights on.
4) Personal introduction and commentary by the lucky woman prior to filming.
5) Filmed with Brittany Spears, Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston, Alyssa Milano, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Selma Hayek, Meg Ryan, Heidi Klum, Angelina Jolie, Kate Hudson (and yet another wink), Brooke Burke, Drew Barrymore (this one is for Sheehy), Jessica Alba, or any other celebrity of my choice individually or all together.
6) Personal commentary by the lucky woman post sex with the mandatory statement of: “He was incredible. I know I have never experienced something so overwhelming and not sure if I ever will. He is amazing. He made me feel like no other. I am not sure how I could have gone so long without experiencing the greatness? He likes … no … he loves to spoon.”
7) Ultimately, So when I tell my friends of the greatness I bestowed and with whom they don’t give me the roll of the eyes or disbelief.
8) Since this is my list, I am able to edit any portion without asking or informing.
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| Dryer Lint |
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Megan J: Why does dark lint stick to light clothing and light lint stick to dark clothing?
- Dimbulb: I believe in an effort to strengthen diversity in all forms, lint has taken it unto themselves to intermingle and create their own melting pots where dark and light can dance, sing, and wrestle with each other without fear of discrimination, ridicule, or condemnation. Lint at their highest and most true form understand the concept that we have all come from the same sheep and are merely dyed on the outside. Or possibly the fact that it is easier to notice a light material on dark background and dark material on light background may be another reason.
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Jeff B: What does Veloso have to be thankful for on Thanksgiving?
- Dimbulb: The ability to spend thanksgiving in the Bay Area while sharing a meal with my family and not in a Denny’s in Billings, a Golden Corral Buffet in Great Falls, or in an unfurnished apartment eating a “home-made” baked chicken by myself.
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| Thankful for Being Home |
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