|
|
The Former Constipation of the Mind prior to that the Weekly Word Column:
Offsite and the Batting Eye Lash
(11.09.06)
|
|
- On Tuesday Brittany Spears filed for divorce from her husband and father of two, Kevin Federline.
- Last Monday, Reese Witherspoon and husband Ryan Philippe had confirmed they were separating.
- Three weeks ago, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn were rumored to no longer be the hot Hollywood couple.
Coincidence! … I think NOT!
While working off-site yesterday afternoon at the Barnes and Noble on Stevens Creek, I came across “God’s Wink” by Squire Rushnell. In the book, Rushnell describes how we have to be aware of God’s winks or signs of possibility. These winks can occur at anytime and are given to us as forms of direction that usually take place when we are personally fogged by our own sense of negativity due to situations we create or are created for us. I have never been one to freely accept the notion of things happen for a reason but in the process of slowly accepting the world around me, accepting that there are aspects for good or bad that occur which I can not control, I saw the value in God’s Wink. God’s Winks act as bridges that connect the truth that we can not control someone’s feelings, actions, or outlook but we can take part in resolving how we choose to deal with our reaction towards them. This occurs by being aware of those coincidences or winks of life.
And there in Faith’s kitchen (my on-site office), I got a wink! Asami (Faith’s girlfriend) and Jenn (other roommate) were discussing the Spears / Federline break up. How from the start it was a white trash meets ghetto marriage. How Brittany was stupid enough to marry a guy who left his first wife while she was pregnant and danced back-up for a living. How Brittany was on the verge of being a musical Icon and then came K-Fed.
(Side note: first portion of the statement about marrying a guy who cheated on his wife while pregnant equals a lack of basic common sense … at the moment you should be happiest, the most in love with your wife, and your life - you cheat … not much defense there for you Brittany. Second portion about being a back-up dancer … way too much funny smoking or moonshine drinking going on in the South to even consider. I mean back-up dancer! I would give Brittany a cordial “ehhhhhhhh” if K-Fed was at least a male stripper. As a male stripper he could file as a business owner, write off expenses, and appear to be an entrepeurner. As a back-up dancer his only thoughts are: “I want to see you half dressed, grab your butt every chance I get, and be the only masculine guy in a non masculine environment so when you need a little male attention or someone to pick up on your male groupies’ wives and girlfriends here I am.”)
Brittany had already taken the major leap out of C Level: I Think We Are Alone Now Mall Rat Entertainment and into the world of B Level: Two Steps Past a 1 Hit Wonder VH1 Rocumentary status with members such as Kylie Minogue, Cher, Toni Braxton, and Jessica Simpson singing back-up. And now she was on the verge. She was knocking on the door of A Level: Diva Status joining the ranks of Whitney, Maria, Faith, and Gloria Estefan. But in true white trash meets ghetto form, she decided to marry Kevin Federline! And the kicker and future pop trivia answer was Brittany was married for 55 hours to Jason Alexander a childhood friend! And now after making an amazing attempt at the top, she filed for a divorce from K-Fed. A batted eye lash … a wink!
(Side note: oh yes … when I first heard it … I thought George Castanza had a two night stand with Brittany Spears and thought I really had a chance with a hot younger woman … and the second thought was the Wilkinson/Young theory of the funny fat guy getting the good looking woman trend was alive and kicking!)
Was this a coincidence … I think Not!
We have all gotten that feeling where everything seems to come together. You are feeling down, depressed, and you can’t understand why things aren’t working out. And then a strange thing happens … clarity comes over you. You begin to see what you need to do. You begin to piece together your jig saw puzzle ounce all the edges are framed.
You come to understand that there is no reason for Reese Witherspoon to separate unless … and here’s my light bulb … unless she heard you were back in the Bay Area where she starred in Just Like Heaven. Or she new you were up at 2 am watching Sweet Home Alabama in a hotel room on a road trip 5 years ago. Or better new you bought Cruel Intentions from the $5 bin at a Wal-Mart in Great Falls, Montana and thought it was a steal. There were no substantial reason for her separation except those.
There was no reason for Jennifer Aniston to leave Vince Vaughn one of the creators, gurus, masterminds, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and experts on getting over a girl. Every man who has had his heart pulled straight out of his chest then dropped numerous times on a floor covered with shard glass and salt and then only to have his heart picked up and used in a game of fetch rover with a lapso opso adores Vince Vaughn … every man adores Beanie the founder of a fraternity in Old School, Gary who got his ex girlfriend’s date to play PlayStation with him in the Break Up, and Trent’s, “I'm telling you baby you always double down on 11" rule in Swingers. Every man adores Vince Vaughn. So why would Jennifer Anniston leave the one man everyman adores? The answer, from the batted eye lash, is to be with the only man … ME …
(Side note: an overly arrogant, confident, and cocky “Oh Yeah” right there, but if Brittany Spears, Reese Witherspoon, and Jennifer Aniston were batting their eyelashes at you, you wouldn’t be at the very least somewhat cocky?)
With every open window, you need to figure out how to get in with out getting caught on a loose nail, warped wood frame, or realization that the opening may be too small. Not accomplishing anything in the office or Faith’s kitchen, I decided to work offsite since working offsite triggered the first wink … the knowledge that winks exists. So sitting at the coffee shop on the corner of E. Campbell and Central, I formulated my plan.
I would build upon an early movie that began the career of William “Hitch” Smith … Six Degrees of Separation. Being a lover and accomplished life theorist, the theory that there are Six Degrees that Separates each one of us from each other or realistically speaking there are six people that separate Brittany, Reese, and Jen from knowing me, I thought my first step and only step for them to meet me would be networking. So I am asking you the readers of the former Constipation of the Mind prior to that the Weekly Word to introduce Brittany, Reese, and Jen to me. The hope is for one of you to know them directly so I can begin the dating process or evaluation stage of getting to know them. But understanding I have not been the most successful person in the dating area (i.e. one of the few in the group who is still single but with a good excuse … BO, you don’t have one), I may need to use all six degrees to make this happen. So I am asking all of you to pass this email on and have that person pass it on to the next and the next and with in six people it could be Brittany, Reese, or Jen having coffee on the corner of E. Campbell and Central with me as I plug away at another edition of the Weekly Word - offsite.
Side note: This is not one of those random Veloso Ha-Ha ideas … remember … I got a wink … so pass the email on!
Notes:
Examples of the Levels of Female Pop Music Status
C Level: I Think We Are Alone Now Mall Rat Entertainment
Samantha Foxx, Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, Olivia Newton-John, Jessica Simpson, Carrie Underwood
B Level: Two Steps Past a 1 Hit Wonder VH1 Rocumentary
Kylie Minogue, Cher, Toni Braxton,
A Level: Diva Status
Maria Carrie, Faith Hill, Whitney Houston, Gloria Estefan
The new title of the Constipation of the Mind and formerly the Weekly Word:
A Dimbulb Could Light Up a Room Too
|
|
