I want to go back to kindergarten.
I had an opportunity to relive two days of kindergarten as an adult. Not thinking twice about getting another shot at figuring out when exactly the bulb went dim, I jumped at the chance to attend Hatch Elementary School.
Prior to attending Hatch, my first and only kindergarten experience was at Lafayette Elementary. My 9 months at Lafayette could be summed up with 2 activities … kite building and peanut butter making.
Kite building consisted of 3 sticks, a spool of string, and tissue paper (not Kleenex but thicker paper which you wrap presents in). From there we crossed the sticks, scotch taped the red tissue paper to the sticks and tied the spool. Once our teacher left our group, I got the third much shorter stick and scotch taped it to the top of the kite to act as spear. The spear was then used to tear the other kites’ tissue during our mid flight dog fighting episodes.
Peanut butter making … I can honestly say I only remember mixing and eating the chunky peanut butter with crackers.
So in the spring of 1981, the Dimbulb was let loose from kindergarten ready to build kites and enjoy eating chunky peanut butter. I was a jenious in the making … on my way to receiving my Mensa Membership Badge … participating in the Blue Bird reading group … and if my grammar school had a short bus, being one seat away from the driver.
So I wanted to go back to kindergarten! I wanted to be a sponge and soak up all the knowledge. I wanted to learn how to make peanut butter!
Unfortunately there is a cutoff age for kindergarten which I barely missed by 27 years. So instead of crawling on the rug and being a sponge, I actually had to be an adult … be a role model … no laughing at farts … no making other kindergartners cry … no poking other kids for the sake of poking other kids … no random crying if someone takes the one green crayon I wanted instead of the thirty other green crayons in the jar … no scratching private parts without concern of who was looking … no pretending to be John Kimble in “Kindergarten Cop” … I had to basically and simply be an adult.
So in the two days of being second in command of the A-4 classroom, these are my random thoughts.
Teaching in and of itself is a craft that isn’t for everyone. And to teach little people who aren’t sure what to do with their hands, have an attention span of a crack addict with ADD sitting in the tenderloin, and who are just learning to listen with their ears not their eyes is a craft for a special type of person.
Building block towers with soft hands is entertaining but tearing it down using a plastic T-Rex is fun … but destroying someone else’s tower with the same T-Rex is a stressful ordeal as you watch the tattle-teller vividly describe how the T-Rex stormed all over their tower to the teacher.
Hugs never get old. And two boys hugging is true friendship.
Children are sponges. They absorb anything and everything. They can be molded into future Rhodes Scholars or Dimbulbs.
And as Whitney Houston put it: “I believe the children are our future.” (We should) “Teach them well and let them lead the way.” (We should) “Show them all the beauty they possess inside” … “give them a sense of pride to make it easier” … (and) “Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be” …
but as JB eloquently put it after attending a how to be a better high school teacher seminar this week, “some of the sponges are looped up on bong water and others had their sponges cut in half at a young age.” … Not sure about kindergartners on bong water but cut sponges, I can definitely see.
A kindergartner told me as I was teaching another one how to color inside the lines, “You don’t need to color inside the lines as long as you are coloring.” I had to think about that comment from one of the kindergartners. And as uncomfortable as that makes us feel, it’s true. As long as it’s your picture and don’t ruin someone else’s, why would you do it any other way but your way?
Give them 32 blocks of various colors, sizes, and shapes and they’ll create castles, forts, flowers, spaceships, dinosaur cages, bridges, cars, animals, people, games, stories, and more.
The letters “K” and “C” are intentionally trying to trick you because they both sound the same.
You don’t need to be retired or use numbers to play Bingo.
Crust around your nose is a sign you are a true trooper. Crust around your nose while mucus keeps rolling down to create more layers of crust shows you are the top dog. Crust around your nose while mucus keeps rolling down to create more layers of crust to better hold and keep buggers firmly rested over your top lip is absolutely gross …… SO please don’t touch me!
Just because your shirt says “John Deere” that doesn’t mean your name is John Deere and don’t keep insisting it is or there is potential for John Deere to start crying.
It’s okay for the boys to play with the Doll House.
Managing a room of 20 five years olds by yourself is emotionally draining so never give a Kindergarten teacher a gift that has sharp edges, contains some form of gun powder, is similar to a pipe, bat, or rubber hose if you don’t want your kid to get beat before going home … THANK GOD I AM NOT A KINDERGARTEN TEACHER.
There are no scan-tron tests, no videos you can pop in, no sessions of correcting each others work, or no simply telling them “You don’t want to be here and I don’t want to be here. So you just shut up and let me do my own thing and we’ll both be happy.”
You can’t build your own block fort with out some little bastard wanting to help you, wanting to tear it down, or wanting that specific block you just placed at the base of your fort.
What ever you build, color, draw, or create is the most incredible thing for these kids. You are an instant hero, genius, and star. And if I wasn’t 27 years past the cut off age, I think I would have been the perfect kindergartener.
Learning is fun and when you are able to play and learn there is no limit to the amount you can learn. Whether you are singing, dancing, playing, or simply doing; learning is taking place. And to be able to engage young kids in that learning process day in and day out is an incredible gift.
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