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The Draft … NBA and the DimBulb Top 5 … Phase I
With an exciting surge, the Warriors left many of us in jubilation in fixing a 13 year drought. And more importantly, we are now anxiously waiting for next season.
This marks the first summer in 13 years, where Warrior fans are not researching the top college and overseas players with the intention of using that pick on the next Todd Fuller while the next Kobe Bryant is still available. So with a solid, exciting team returning, knowing we will not get Ogden or Durant in the NBA Draft and after watching Jessica Alba sit courtside during the Warrior play-offs; the next step in the DimBulb mental process was to perform a mock draft … of the Hottest Women …
It must first be noted that the draft came about because Asami (Faith’s fiancée) and the DimBulb were disgusted over Lindsay Lohan winning Maxim’s Hottest Woman of the Year.
Prior to drafting, every team is built around a point guard (or your #1 pick) and your center (or the ace-in–the-hole) as well as some complementary talent that usually makes your team more all-encompassing. For example, your guard, small forward and power forward all can’t be long distance shooters because who will be the solid, steady veteran rebounder.
Accordingly, you don’t want to waste your #1 pick on a female who is uniquely hot but rather you would want to use it on a point guard, an all-encompassing hottie. However, you do need that ace-in-the-hole center that fits your style of play. Some teams need centers that can score, others need them to rebound and start the break, while others need someone who can block shots and clog the key. Simply put, you need a center that is unique to your team … uniquely hot.
So in a mock draft between Asami, Faith, and the DimBulb these were the teams:
Team Asami
Angelina Jolie (the #1 overall pick in the draft … a very solid point guard)
Pam Anderson (definite 2 guard/scorer in many ways)
Beyonce (can you say Charles Barkley as she backs her money-maker up)
Gisele (Power Forward material … super model … formerly matched up w/ Leonardo Di Caprio)
Sophie Marceau (Center … simply because I didn’t know who she even was on draft day)
DimBulb Draft Analysis: “Definitely a solid team. Asami had a plan in this year’s draft and she found all the pieces to make it work. She has a solid floor leader in her #1 pick Jolie - who could possibly be the best player in the draft and definitely has a scorer in Pam Anderson who is an easy score. The only question mark for this team would be the center position … but sure that Asami and her diligent hours in the film room watching the same movie over and over again for months on end has done her research on this surprise pick.”
“I was pretending I was a guy when drafting and thinking to myself; who would I want to have sex with?” – GM for Team Asami describing their solid drafting strategy.
Team Faith
Lucy Liu (the #2 overall pick … still in complete shock at this #1 pick … see Draft Analysis)
Jessica Simpson (another 2 guard scorer … maybe blondes do have more fun)
Halle Barry
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Jennifer Garner
Draft Analysis: “The fans and the DimBulb really want to know what Faith was thinking to draft Lucy Liu as your #1 pick. There was definitely no thought taken in this year’s draft by their GM considering Lucy Liu by all predictions would have still been available in the free agent draft. There is no amount of video watching that could have her that high in any draft. Now he and the fans have to rely on the solid performances of Halle Barry, who could easily be a number one pick in most drafts, and two solid picks who aren’t true centers but strong and physical enough power forwards to rule the block and rebound in drafting the veteran Catherine Zeta-Jones and the all-around ability of Jennifer Garner. But you need solid floor leadership in your #1 pick which this team completely lacks. “
“I was blinded by my yellow fever.” – GM for Team Faith days after the Draft.
Team DimBulb
Jessica Alba (3rd overall pick and #1 draft pick of the DimBulb. Jessica and Angelina are the Durant and Ogden of this draft)
Alyssa Milano (brings veteran leadership, ages of hotness, TV, Cinema, and VHS workout video experience … true ace-in-the-hole! Who else has their own Theory? … Look for the Alyssa Milano Theory regarding how everyone has one true celebrity hottie they grew up with.)
Scarlett Johansen (needing a scorer … where else to go but blonde … but the question mark would be inexperience.)
Heidi Klum (Power Forward, Power Forward, Power Forward … multi-dimensional)
Jennifer Aniston ( originally this pick went to Diane Lane but due to contract issues and concerns … didn’t know her name except that she was in the film with Richard Gere where she cheated on her husband with some French Artist … Jennifer was taken.)
Draft Analysis: “Solid point guard who will only get better with experience. Team DimBulb’s GM definitely had a plan in drafting two very young but talented stars in Alba and Johansen while surrounding them with experience and veteran skills that could possibly get them through the early rounds of the play-offs. Though they lost out on the veteran Diane Lane, Jennifer Aniston brings with her movie and television success which is hard to beat in those close games.”
“I couldn’t have asked for a better draft. The mental brain fart of Team Faith’s GM landed us the best player in the draft if not the second best in Jessica Alba and w/ Alyssa Milano in the paint there is nothing this team can’t handle.” – GM of Team DimBulb during their after-party at the Old Pro sports bar in Palo Alto, while celebrating their successful draft.
Other notable now Free Agents:
Salma Hayek – a Half Moon Bay favorite
Penelope Cruz
Drew Barrymore – a Jerry Sheehy Hacker’s Cup Special
Katie Holmes – probably not drafted because of her religious beliefs
Meg Ryan – veteran leadership and all around all-star
Courtney Cox
Amanda Peet – very underrated … see “Saving Silverman” or “A Lot Like Love”
Diane Lane – would have been an easy draft pick but negotiations prevented her from landing on a contender.
Jennifer Love Hewitt - complete mistake on the Dimbulb's part not drafting her instead of Scarlett Johansen.
With the Draft settled in, the www.dim-bulb.com would like you the readers to turn in your all-star teams. And send them to acveloso1974@yahoo.com (the website does not have an email address yet but is in the process of developing one). The teams and their GM’s (you can change your names if you would like) will be published on the site. All all-star teams must consist of 5 players (designate your #1 pick or point guard and center) and a sixth woman. You can also turn in your strategy / commentary of why you picked each. All teams must be turned in by June 13th.
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