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Constipation of the Mind:Flavor of Love, Street Cred, and hint of Grey’s Anatomy (10.17.06)
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Who are you rolling with … Deelishis vs New York? or Mc Dreamy vs Finn?
For those who can’t relate to Deelishis vs. New York, you either have a real job where you are intellectually stimulated, not a blue bird, didn’t ride the short bus, didn’t have a nun escort you out of the room during the reading period, understood the term “special”, or you simply refuse to bottom dwell in VH1’s world of reality TV.
And to not know the Mc Dreamy vs. Finn debate, you either are lying to save your masculinity or don’t have a female friend who you can blame got you hooked.
Just in case you truly don’t know either I’ll give you a little overview of Flavor of Love in this edition:
Flavor of Love is the ghetto version of the Bachelor series. Instead of celebrity athlete and New York Football Giants Jesse Palmer, {whose 2001 Press Pass Football Card is on Ebay for .99 cents … get it now for $2.99 … that’s with shipping and handling,} bestowing a red rose to young beautiful women, you have rapper and Public Enemy icon Flava Flav, {whose clock on Ebay goes for $25.95 w/o shipping and handling and his Viking helmet is going for $100,}
riding it dirty with such talent as Beautuful, Bootz, Buckwild, Krazy, Like Dat, Payshintz, Nibblz, Deelishis, and New York.
And riding it dirty comes in many forms for Flava … He rides it dirty by throwing a party for fellow rappers G-Unit, Warren G, and Don Majic Juan as his talented Deelishis, Krazy, and Buckwild strip it up or down while challenging each other on who could be the most ghetto. He rides it dirty by eliminating Nibblz because she “isn’t a good role model for his children.” I’ll write that line again “Isn’t a good role model for his children.” He rides it dirty by giving his ladies clock necklaces which are similar to the 80’s pinky ring clocks but taken to the next level of Bling.
At this point, who wouldn’t want to be Flava Flav?
First you change your name from William Jonathan Drayton Jr. … obviously no street cred … to Flava Flav and instantaneously you are made, you have street cred.
To get a better understanding of street cred through name changing, look at Ralph Macchio. Side note: I would like to claim this as my own thought but Wikipedia beat me to it:
“In 1983, he (Ralph Macchio) starred alongside Patrick Swayze and Matt Dillon in The Outsiders. It wasn't until 1984, however, that he became an international teen idol, after the release of the first Karate Kid movie, where he starred alongside Pat Morita and Elisabeth Shue. Macchio became one of the most famous teen idols of the mid-1980s, his face appearing on the cover of many teen "bubble gum" magazines such as Tiger Beat, 16, and Teen Beat.”
Instant street cred with a simple name change … William Drayton = Flava Flav, Ralph Macchio = Danielson aka Karate Kid, and Antonio Veloso = Tone. From now on, I think I would like to be called Tone … has street cred oozing from the very sound of it.
Back to Flava Flav … so with a simple name change Flava goes from being the bug eyed kid who gets picked on to one of the founding members of Public Enemy. There are only 5 reasons why William Drayton could remotely be associated with the historic rap group Public Enemy … 1) He did their home work for them, 2) He supplied them with extra curricular medication, pot, and other hallucinogens, 3) He gave them his milk money, 4) He paid them to be his body guard, or 5) He changed his name before they new him.
For the record, if the founding members of Public Enemy were to use their real names they would be: William Drayton Jr (Flava Flav), Richard Griffith (Professor Griff), Norman Rogers (DJ Terminator X), and Carlton Ridenhour (Chuck D) … Boy Band or one of the most influential rap groups of all time … NEVER UNDER ESTIMATE STREET CRED.
Back to the Flavor of Love …
Tonight’s final episode had Flava deciding between Deelishish, who if you threw on a New York Football Giants uniform complete with helmet would look like Michael Strahan, vs. the spicy and witchy New York. Unlike the Bachelor, Average Joe, or the Survivor’s fire ceremony, the build up isn’t so much an anxious stress of let’s know already but more of OH GOD SAY IT AIN’T SO!
At that moment you look at Strahan. You look at New York. And think would I rather have my daughter be a stripper in Vegas or about to dive into a relationship with Flava Flav. I don’t really know … and thank God I don’t have a daughter because one of those father daughter talks would have been occurring at that point … with me probably crying as I bribe her to stay in school and never grow up.
And then there’s William Jonathan Drayton Jr… all 130lbs of bone and skin filling out a satin/silk black suit smiling, getting teary eyed, as he is spewing with emotion. And you start to think … strangely enough that we are in the midst of the David Stern, Ted Turner, and Jim Leyland of VH1 reality TV … we are in the midst of greatness, of genius … from “obscurity to genius ... Behind the Music of Flava Flav.” In a single teary eyed devotion of his love, we are all made to be believers of the power of Love, of the Flavor of Love, and of how love knows no boundaries. Thank You VH1 and Thank You Flava for rebuilding my belief in the power of time, street cred, and love.
Who got the Golden Grill? … doesn’t really matter … all that matters is that with a little street cred, a clock, and love anyone can go from obscurity to genius, from Carlton Ridenhour to Chuck D, from William Drayton to Flava Flav, and from Deelishish to Michael Strahan … and that’s all we want to do … find our way out of obscurity.
Next Edition of Constipation of the Mind:
1) Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy (yes, I am hooked …)
2) Reader’s Questions …
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A DimBulb Can Light Up a Room Too ...
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